its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
