She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize