honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
