His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
