Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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