Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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