your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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