Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
