i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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