You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
