I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
