last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think i have two assholes
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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