The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
