Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
