I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
