Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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