I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We have so much sex to catch up on
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
