every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
