it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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