and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is it penis luge time yet?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize