I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
