Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize