My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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