I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
