dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize