why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
