either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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