My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
