does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm jealous of your bromance
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
