you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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