grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize