I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
