he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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