Duck Duck Cougar?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
