We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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