I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
time to smoke my breakfast
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
