haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
