All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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