That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
