im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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