This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
