i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I need water and some morals
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
