Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm jealous of your bromance
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
