I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
