We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
