roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
