if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
