what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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