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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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