Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
