it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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