HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
