About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
