He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
