This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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