I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize