Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
