im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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