I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
