u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
