maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she looked like the before picture.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
