1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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