He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
