so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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