u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
