based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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