I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
