I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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