Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
