I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
