How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
