I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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