u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
