No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
