I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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