Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
