Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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