You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
