I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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