Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
