some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
