i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
