Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My liver just had a heart attack.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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