i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
