im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize