I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
