I need to stop coming to work sober
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
