the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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