She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
