the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it glows. i had to have it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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