he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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