SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
operation harelip BJ is a go
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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