Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize