Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't notice because vodka
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize