I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
