oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
