I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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