What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
