U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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