Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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