I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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