dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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