DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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