I just threw up on my dentist
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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