I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
