first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
