ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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