You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm at about main and main street
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
