That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
