I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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