Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
